el chode dot com

We got the list from the DJ of “popular wedding songs”, proving once again that the majority of the people in this region of the world have the most awful taste in music and a sad sense of humor. This order striking the songs from the record is derived from a combination of songs the DJ suggested and a pre-emptive strike against future annoyances.

WHEREAS, as of July 23, 2010, our DJ has provided a list of most commonly requested and popular wedding songs;

WHEREAS, I have been given editorial control over the music playlist at my wedding, no matter how much it displeases my mother;

WHEREAS, my own mother is banned from making song requests;

WHEREAS, the goal in our choice of music is to reflect my own snobbery along with fun-but-unique songs everyone can enjoy pulled from the genres of Motown, Rockabilly, classic Rock, Soul, Funk, and R&B;

NOW THEREFORE IT BE RESOLVED, by the power vested in me by my Fiancee, the following is the first list of songs are hereby banned from our wedding:

• Billy Joel (all of it)
• U2 (all of it)
• Honkey dances (chicken dance, conga lines, electric slide, hokey pokey, whatever)
• Wonderful Tonight - Eric Crapton(aside: this was imposed on us as our prom song by the administration since Back That Ass Up won with the technical vote. This was in 2001, so there was ample legal precedent unfortunately)
• Back That Ass Up – Juvenile (Have I become the man? Well, I’ve always been the man)
• Bills, Bills, Bills – Destiny’s Child
• Beyonce – that song about putting a ring on it that has a video game “jump” sound in the background
• Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood
• Hard Knock Life – Jay-Z
• Smash Mouth (all of it)
• American Woman – Lenny Kravitz
• Jumper – Third Eye Blind(really? This is a top-requested song to be played at weddings?)
• Black Eyed Peas – (all of it, but especially that song about getting retarded in here)
• Pussycat Dolls (all of it)
• Fergie – a death warrant should be issued for her pants-pissing frog face
• Maroon 5 (all of it, twice)
• Nickelback (all of it, but this should go without saying)
• Hollback Girl – Gwen Stefani, a/k/a the most annoying song from the past 20 years, hands down
• Low - Flo.Rida f/T. Pain
• It’s Goin Down – Yung Joc (I’ve never even heard this song, but I can tell already it should be banned)
• Buy You A Drank – T. Pain
• Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? - Rod Stewart
• Celine Dion (all of it)
• Wonderful Tonight – Crapton (just a reminder)
• Bee Gees – Stayin’ Alive

I’m sure this list will grow, in the mean time I will put together the must-haves.